holleritzdanil

Rain.

2008-01-05T06:26:23Z

There's a city.
It's so beautiful.
It rains there,
So i hear.
It's only a year away.
Is this false hope for me?
I don't think so.
A chance of true happiness?
Possibly.
Is the guy going to be there?
Waiting.
Or am i going to take him with me?
Hopefully.

Work is simple.
i know most of it by now.
i do want a new job now though.
i'll keep this one though.
the money is good.
i like my boss.
we had an okay time today.
it was slow.
my gum i'm chewing is starting to get old.

i found out something.
about myself.
i'm crazy.
i'm going crazy.
something is wrong with me.
it's because i'm getting it from my mother.
i don't want to be her.
but everyday i feel like i'm slipping away.
this town does eat away at me.

i want to drop my life.
the one i'm living.
i want to change my name.
i want to be something.
i want to be someone.
i want to live.
i want to make someone happy.
i want to be happy with someone.

lilly says i have so much love to give.
and i realize this.
because i do give.
and i give.
but i never get.
i do get.
but i'm not grateful for the love i do get.

so that could be my problem.

Mis-red.

2007-10-25T16:03:47Z

I have contacts now. i had an eye appointment tuesday and they gave me a free trial pair of contacts. and friday i'm going to go actually by the real ones. and i'm getting a color pair also. green. called eden i think. and i'm dating this guy named ben right now.
he's 25. he's an alright individual. but he has qwirks. but easily looked over. i spent the night at his house a few times. he cuddles really well. :) i'm working full time now. 40 hours a week. which really sucks. lol. but i make good money. that's about all that's been up. quick run though i guess. kris and i aren't really friends anymore. something happened there. i'm not sure. mainly because he's hanging out with old friends of mine. and they all kind of ditch me. so... i'm over it.

Identification with 2 K's

2007-10-10T02:31:22Z

I got my ID finally.
It took my mother, along with the Macon DDS (DMV).
actually it didn't even take my mother. grr.
she just kinda stood there and didn't need to show any identification that she was my mother.
so if macon's dmv wasn't doing "renewals only that day, it would've been all peachy.
kathy thinks she did a good job.
i think the government needs a slap on the cooche.
especially in warner robins department. lol.
oh anyways, ID means paychecks.
i get my first one friday and it's going to be 3 weeks pay.
which is going to be AWESOME. but i have this whole months paychecks planned out already
so it's going to be gone as soon as it's cashed.
oh i messed up on my last name too when i signed for the ID.
my last name on there is spelled registed.
lol. it's in cursive and i fucked up on the r at the end. but it's fine.
i'm also an organ donor.

oh i also decided to stick with kroger.
i love that job.
and i'm really glad that i don't ever have shifts with mark.
although he was in one shift with me but only for like an hour.
he called me danielle.
how immature.
clay aiken sounds better than that.
although i'd rather not have stupid gay pet names just because i'm gay.
they all know i'm gay too.
and the coolest one there is probably steve.
or jeff.
shawn is alright.
but mark is the most annoying.
i think that's all i work with.
so... meat department isn't that bad.

i've been hanging out with kris lately.
which i'm fine with.
it's awesome how we didn't talk for a while, and now we're like social.
it's good that that weird stage is gone.
and emma and aaron aren't in this circle, so it's even better.
i didn't really like them that much.
he and lindsay are really good friends of mine now. i consider them besties.

on a different note.
at the house,
kristin and jamie aren't doing too well.
i think they've been with each other too much.
i know he loves her.
and i think she's awesome and amazing as hell.
but they are spending WAY too much time in the same room.
if they had jobs. it'd be better.
but they just sit here. 24/7.
and that's not healthy.
they've been together four months. and i'm proud of them.
i just hope they get out of this rut.
if she leaves, it'll get lonely.
and i'll miss her.
i don't understand how i get attached to her.
jamie never gets attached to my boyfriends.
although i guess he realizes they're just going to leave me soon.
but i got attached to her.
so even though i didn't know her to begin with. and she isn't one of my best friends,
if they break up, it's still going to feel as though he had dated one of my best friends.
because she is my best friend.

i hate the dmv.

2007-10-07T01:53:04Z

those fat ass bitches can go to hell. i hate those nasties. UGH that stupid cunt holes. they wronged me. i wanted to slap that white slut. she was fat and nasty. and probably has aids. i went to go get my ID and they was all like: "renewals only!" and i was like: okay. so i left and me and jamie went to the one in warner robins... well we waited in line. some white girl wanna be wanksta girl was all like: i heard you burnt dat mans clothes. and her other friend was pregnant with her fourth child and didn't know the baby daddy. some guy named daryl in macon. and i was like: DAMN GIRL. and then the other girl who was talkin about burnin clothes hooked up with this mexican guy there. he gave her his number even after he heard about her burnin her ex's clothes.... i guess he just wanted some poontang. ugh. people are so nasty. and then once i finally got up there. two people cut in front of everyone and was like: "uhghh i just have a question for the man at the desk." TWO PEOPLE did that and when they got up there they did all this paper work. i should've told their asses NO. so finally we get up there and they want all this paper work i don't have. and i brought some but it wasn't good enough. SO then i got mama. (not my biological mother, but jamie's mom... who is my actual mother.) and we go there with bills and all the paper work they need. and it's still not good. i wanted to slap that fat bitch so hard she got rude with me too. and that made me want to jump over the counter and choke slam that fat bitch. considering i could wrap my arm around her fat ass neck. it was bigger than both of my thighs. so yeah. i have to take my real mother tuesday and go and get them.

ps. boys who think i'm stupid need to go get their dicks checked. not their brains, their dicks. the next mother fucker who wants to make a move on me is going to get played just like i usually do. not that i'm worth any of your time which is why i get played. this is why these woman are out choppin mens dicks off. so you best watch it.

yesterday's post

2007-09-26T09:19:42Z

yesterday's post was kind of over dramatic.
i was just in a rage black out or something.
but me and jamie still aren't talking.
so idk.
i still have work today. in 12 hours. and i really hate my job.
lol. it does suck.
i'm going to look for another job while i stay at this one.

pissed the fuck off.

2007-09-25T14:14:46Z

why the fuck does life have to suck so much fucking ass. my job sucks, i have anger issues, my best friend is not my best friend anymore. he's more like this distant guy who doesn't give two shits about how i'm feeling. and if we do talk about me, his life is SOO much worse. so we just don't talk about our lives. i don't want to fucking cut hair anymore. i do think about killing people often though. like seriously being a murderer. that'd be neat. i hate people, people hate me. it's fair. that's another thing. life is so un fucking fair it's ridiculous. i have to suffer with not eating the things i want because jamie is the BIGGEST hater in the world. he doesn't eat anything that doesn't make him fat. if it's healthy or tastes anywhere near different from a goddamn potato chip, "omg that's the most disgusting thing ever" yet he complains about fucking being a fat ass every .1 seconds. and on top of that he does nothing about it. just complains. but when someone suggests him eating something he's like: no i want to eat the same thing i eat all the time. and you all have to suffer for it because i'm boss jamie. he got upset with me because i was fucking listening to a song i like and he wanted to hear some other song that was decent but he wanted me to change it just because he wanted to hear it that moment. he does it ALL the goddamn time and it's so fucking frustrating. he does sacrafice a lot of shit for me. and i do too for him. PLENTY. and he's been there for me from the beginning. as far back as i can remember, but he treats me like he did when we were young. he always has and i just ignore it and take the bullet. you know i'm not fucking 50 cent or some goddamn gangsta rapper. you can't fucking shoot me 50 million times and expect me to stand there for more bullets. i'm probably going to go off somewhere today. i don't want to work tomorrow. i know if i do, i'll end up getting fired. i'm in no mood for those shit asses. why does everyone treat me like some goddamn piece of shit. do i look like a fucking toilet? i'm about to fucking turn on a hose and just spray everyone with the shit they've been throwing on me. hell i might just have to call aunt jackie up and live with her. he's not taking me for granted anymore. no one is. my quarter slot is fucked up. so if you wanna goddamn thing out of me you have to give it first. and if you give me some shit... you best believe i'll pile that shit right back on you motha fucka. no one messes with a damn black woman.

Are you ready, alyss?

2007-09-11T03:42:54Z

i got a call the other day from a man named mike demonte.
and he offered me a job at kroger.
i have an interview wednesday at 3 o'clock in the afternoon.
and i'm super nervous/excited.
which means if i get this job, i get money.
therefore, i'll have money for my ged.
and i'll have money to get my birth certificate.
and i'll have money for my phone bill.
i've been looking forward to this since july.
i've really needed this.
and i'm looking forward to it.

on a tragic note,
kristin came back from alabama.
and her family gave her this idea that her life will be better there.
they're feeding her all this stuff of how they're going to support her,
but their main message to her is to be dependant of her self.
the excuses make no sense.
but i think she's staying.
she said she got called by aeropostale about a job.
and she said she's going to the interview.
so why, if she was moving, would she go to the interview.
=]
she's really grown on me.
and i don't know how jamie would be about to handle it if she did leave.
i know i wouldn't handle it well.
and she's not even my girlfriend.
lol.

a more positive note that that:
jamie got his diploma in the mail today!!!
i'm so happy for him.
i was really excited when i saw it.
mama gave him a hug and then i was like:
"ohhh i wanna hug you too!!!"
so i did.
lol.
so he starts college next semester.
500 bucks scholarship too.
which is awesome.

and more great news.
and the main topic of this entry:

The Looking Glass Wars

&

Seeing Red

amazing books. i'm on page 100 of the first one.
the second one is seeing red.
it's alice and wonderland related.
only the main character is named alyss.

www.lookingglasswars.com

Muted.

2007-09-05T07:47:00Z

lately i've been not wanting to talk to anyone.
i've been muted.
i really love the feeling though.
it makes me feel to myself.
and i've always been a loud person.
blurting about who i am and what i'm about.
this way, no one knows.
people just take and twist everything.
it's so much simpler if you don't talk to people.
they just get aggravating.

my decision to not move to florida.
that's what you're looking for.
well i talked to the guy i was talking to.
and he made me realize that it'd be quite impossible for me to lead that life.
my living conditions would be better here.
and i'd live with my friend who i've known forever.
not that i wouldn't mind living with someone else.
just for now i'd like to live with jamie.
and kristin would be living in the apartment together.
for once in my life, family is what i've wanted.
and i have it now.
i loved the visit to florida,
and it's what i needed more than anything at that time.
especially because i missed heather.
seriously.

i still don't have a job either.
and i need one.
my phone bill is due the 8th.
and i have no money to pay on it.
so it might get cut off.
for the billionth time an almost.
but it'll get paid.
i've applied places too.

and i haven't done anything to work on my ged.
i feel like i'm taking a break from life.
which isn't something i need.
because it could become something i'm addicted to.
and i need no addictions.

i've been watching tv shows on dvd.
alias is one of the shows i'm on right now.
it's a show about secret agents.
of the cia.
it's really good.
it's getting better too.

keeping up appearances.

2007-08-13T20:47:01Z

my appearance is not that great.
i know that.
and i'm tired of people saying i look good.
and i'm actually going to stop saying it myself.
because the more people throw truth at me,
i start to realize it.
i hate insecurity.
and i hate falling for people.
i'm pretty sure i'm extremely repulsive to you now.
i'm so stupid.
...nap time.

thanks.

long time, no post

2007-08-11T12:01:56Z

it's been about a decade since i last posted.
and a LOT of shit has happened.
and i'm sick right now.
which sucks ass.
sinuses.

but thanks to this one guy.
it's a ton better than it was earlier tonight.
we talked on the fone forever.
he's completely different than ANY guy ever.
seriously i say this about every guy.
but i repeat a lot with what i say.
because everybody is different.
but if anything this guy,
his originality is completely sky rocketed.
way past any person i've ever met.

so before i get to where i'm at now,
let's go back a couple weeks.
so i left from georgia.
on a greyhound bus.
this bus took me to orlando florida.
where my best friend heather picked me up.
well robyn was driving, and nicole rode shot gun.
you guys have no idea how much my life changed in that one week.
my view on a lot of things changed.

everyone can change in a years time.
anyone and everyone.
it's all about choice.
kelly no longer wants to speak to me because i didn't see her while i was down there.
it's not my fault. she could've easily came and saw me.
and MAYBE if she had came and got me like she promised me,
things would be a bit different.
she wants to be stubborn,
then let her ass be stubborn.
i didn't see a lot of people i wanted to see.
but you know what,
i'm still satisfied.
i don't not care for the people i didn't see.
it wasn't right timing.
nothing that week was. lol.
but it was all worth it.
not in a bad way of wrong timing. don't get me wrong.

while i was down there.
i realized i was unhappy with justin.
and he's tried to get back with me since i broke up with him,
but it's not happening.
as much as i wish it could.
he's too temper mental.
he aggravates the piss out of me.
PLUS
he got with some guy the very next day after i broke up with him.
just to spite me.
and that really shows how much he cares.
i didn't truly love him.
nor anyone.
i don't understand the concept of love.
can the dictionary define that?

a strong positive emotion of regard and affection; "his love for his work"; "children need a lot of love"
any object of warm affection or devotion; "the theater was her first love"; "he has a passion for cock fighting";
have a great affection or liking for; "I love French food"; "She loves her boss and works hard for him"
beloved: a beloved person; used as terms of endearment
a deep feeling of sexual desire and attraction; "their love left them indifferent to their surroundings"; "she was his first love"
get pleasure from; "I love cooking"
a score of zero in tennis or squash; "it was 40 love"
be enamored or in love with; "She loves her husband deeply"
roll in the hay: have sexual intercourse with; "This student sleeps with everyone in her dorm"; "Adam knew Eve"; "Were you ever intimate with this man?"
sexual love: sexual activities (often including sexual intercourse) between two people; "his lovemaking disgusted her"; "he hadn't had any love in months"; "he has a very complicated love life"

that is what google gave me.
and i think it's a load of shit on jeffrey star's chest.

so yea.
and i met this guy randomly on browse in myspace.
i thought he was 20 lol.
but it turns out he's turning 16 in october.
he's so fucking intelligent.
and i love intellect.
seriously.
he's got the mind of like a 50 year old.
he knows alot.
and he writes so much. lol.

anyways...
oh. since i last updated,
kristin, jamie's girlfriend,
moved in.
and while i was in florida,
they started arguing about stuff.
they do it all the time now.
and i think she purposefully does it.
because she laughs when they do.
they're together 24/7.
so i'm pretty sure they're both getting overdrawn with each other.
i know i would be.
i cant even stand myself most of the time.
lol.

i also decided to drop out of highschool.
could be one of the most impulsive things EVER.
and it was just the right thing to do.
at the right time.
my life must go on.
i'm getting my ged tho.
so don't fret.
i told my aunt about it.
she was definitely PISSED.
i told her over the fone so she couldn't smack me after i told her.
she was upset tho.
and she was so fucking short standing next to me.
i haven't seen her in a while.
and i think the last time i did see her she stayed in the car.
she also said i could take payments up on her car.
hold on lemme find a picture:

2005 Dodge Neon.
yuup. isn't that shit neat.
but we might trade it in.
i'm not sure.
lol.
can u picture me driving that?
it's not written in stone yet tho.
but i'd only have to save up like 1000.
i need a fucking job.
someone help me out.

the 4th. or 7th. lol.

2007-07-04T11:57:34Z

so today this is the 4th of july. as well as my 7th post.
today i'm going to see transformers!! excited much? yes i am.
i talked to mikey last nite. at like 3 o'clock in the morning.
it was interesting. but entirely too short.
i slept the entire day away yesterday.
and i woke up with a message from sharquanda.
girl i plan on calling you back later today. cuz i wanna know what your mama said to you about that park.
kelly girl when is you comin to get me. it best happen real soon. cause i'm bored just sittin around here. although i think i might get bored there too. but i really doubt it'll be as often as it is here. and i need to see some people too of course. like heather. and some more folks i just can't think of who.

so i need a summer job too. and i haven't cut hair in a while so i want to do something about that. i'm not cutting my own though because that's horrible. and i love the way my hair's developing. it's very manageable lately.

i kind of feel like going to church tuesday. but i kinda dont want to. half of the reason is to go a praise. but then again i know there's probably some cheese spreadin around. and i want to know if there is. that way i can be like: surprise. cause i miss some folks. but idk. who knows. mary j. blidge does.

anyways. imma write some more later as the day progresses. i'm sure everything's going to go good today. ::HUGE SMILE!::

Sorry...

2007-07-02T16:22:51Z

that I didn't post yesterday. nothing to interesting has happened in the past couple of days. and i haven't really thought of anything to write about. i spent most of my money from my last check. i still have about 60 of it. actually it's more like 400. but that's for my phone bill. and turning it off. i didn't get contacts like i wanted. and i forgot about the wig. so i guess topanga's going to have short hair for a while. lol. i bought me some clothes though. two pairs of pants, both from the gap, and three shirts. one from the gap, and two from american eagle. i still need to go get my birth certificate. kathy (the woman that popped me out her coochie) lost that shit on purpose. and i still have 60 days to appeal on that letter. the one stating i can't get my money anymore. so i'm going there soon. because i still am in school and i'm not 19 yet. i also bought that web cam with the money. and i definitely don't know if it was worth it. i'll have it forever. so idk. plus i'm visually more connected with people now. and i can make videos at the computer.

my hair's growing out too. just like i wanted it. i used my old revlon straightener and it made my hair amazingly straight. i still wonder what school's going to be like when i get back. it's going to be my senior year. and i keep thinking something big is going to go down. inside my self and all around me. i'm not the same person i once was a year ago. this town is like a person changer. i used to think i knew who i was and who my friends were but i don't. my friends change constantly. it's always been like that. so i wonder why i thought that i knew who i was. i guess i just thought my life would be that way for the rest of my life. i guess i failed to realize that once your surroundings change, you change too.

on that note i think i'm staying single for the rest of my life. i have dreams and goals and until i reach them i don't need anyone. my dream is to cut hair. the bad thing about that dream? i can't really see myself doing it anymore. like i really want to. it's all i want, but when i image all of it being in reality it feels fake. just like this life. it doesn't feel real. not like: "woah i'm not supposed to be here in existence." but it's more like i'm not supposed to be here. like in this town. i've never felt like this town needs me. but i think it does. like why else would i be here if i didn't have something to do here. but then again that makes no damn sense whatsoever. i've left zero impact anywhere else i've gone. like the only thing i create when i leave a place is the missing of me (which for most isn't much missing). i didn't ever really make an impact that changed someones life or thoughts. in fact i don't think i ever will make a change. and what do i have after the highschool life?

i have college or a hairstyling school. but i really don't feel like doing it here. especially when i'm going to be doing it myself. and with what support? yea i have mama, but i have no one i can have to help me and lean on and talk to when i'm worried about things. atleast i won't when jamie leaves soon. but college is an entire year away. and i know my gpa isn't high enough to get me into a college. and i don't have the kind of money to go to hairstyling school. and even if i do make it there i'm not going to make it much further than that. i'm still going to be here. in this town in this house. in this life. i thought about death the other day.

what will it be like?

i'm going to hell, i know that.

everyone does. i'm an abomination.

and that's only if there is a "God".

that's an entirely different entry.

a long story worth typing.

worthless.

Webcam, stickam, ubertiredness.

2007-06-30T18:38:34Z

So i was on stickam for like a really long time last nite. i'm still tired from last night even though i slept for like ever. actually it was like 8 hours. but i really need more than that. angel woke me up and asked me if i wanted to go with them to get her new phone. i really don't feel good so i just told her no. i have some bump inside my nose. it's on my left nostril. my left not yours. and it hurts really bad. idk what it is. it's not visible... but it hurts. it's probably cancer. lol. kidding. but my throat hurts too. and my eyes still feel puffy. i was about to pass out on cam last nite but it was really interesting. so i just stayed up until i couldn't handle it.

i just remembered i sorta had a panic attack sometime during the night. well while i was sleeping. and it was daytime then. lol. but idk what was wrong. i was hot and stuff so i just took my clothes off.

which reminds me. i went to american eagle yesterday. and the gap. and hollister (but i didn't buy anything at hollister because those people are assholes) and i bought new underwear from american eagle. they're really comfortable. and usually they're like really pricy. but meghan, my lovely shopping assisstant/a worker or AE/a friend of mine hooked me up. with discount clothes.

Pokemon & emulators

2007-06-29T15:58:18Z

Jamie has gotten me into pokemon. A week ago we went to best buy. and you know how they have those little game sampler things? well they had the ds and some pokemon game was in it. well i played it and that was basically all i wanted to do for that entire day. and jamie has pokemon ruby. and he has for a while. so i played that when we got back. and the next day. then he went out and bought the leaf green one. and then kristin bought him pokemon diamond. but before the two that he got i was on sharolaid's stickam and she was playing a bunch of old games so i sent her a message on myspace. asking her how she was doing it on the computer. and that's when i discovered emulators.

An emulator is like a console. only for the computer. and you can download one for seriously EVERY console ever made. it's insane. and brings back memories. so i downloaded gameboy color and like EVERY pokemon game ever made. lmao. so yea. it's pretty neat. i also have mario stuff. and mega man. and stuff like that. if you don't really have a life, like me, you should go get some. the only thing i dislike about it is the controls. you have to figure it out on some emulators. but a couple of them there's a list of how the controls are and what keys are what. it's so neat.

ashlind

2007-06-28T17:18:41Z

so yea. ashlind either read what i said about her or she's still hung up on trying to get at me. she got some stupid lame-o (but really hot) boy to IM me on aim. and he ranted on about nothing really. but he was annoying. and said he was my worse nightmare. i'd post the whole convo up but that's a waste of my copy and paste skills. lol. anyways. i called her mom and her mom said she's going through a rough time and she's finding a way to vent it out. so she's torturing me. lol. and i'm like yea lady... that's it. no ashlind's just a pussy ass bitch who's a hypocrite. she tells me she wants nothing to do with me because i'm a "druggie". but when i give her the respect and distance she wants... i'm suddenly a bad person towards her and not a good friend. well you know technically when you get drunk on your birthday, and then get high like a week later... i really doubt that's a druggie. now someone who does some crack on the side of the street or shoots heroine into their body... i'd call that a druggie. right now if i had a piss test, i'd be clean. but she just wants to find something to bitch about. well guess what ashlind. if you seriously are going to be childish like you are, you can march your happy little as right up there with me when i press charges against you and your stupid friends who you manipulate into harassing me. it's cute until someone pulls out the big guns. and then you just get in some deep shit. so... dig deep? or stop? figure it out baby ash....

Topanga, money issues, jamie.

2007-06-28T08:21:45Z

tonight i dressed up like topanga. but most of everyone was asleep. except angel. right now i have boobs. i've always wondered what real boobs felt like. i kind of wish i had a pair. but at the same time i know a lot of chicks that have problems with their boobs. like would they just feel like how my stomach feels when it hangs over? along with extra weight on my chest. who knows? i'll tell you who... girls.

my check came in today. it's my last one because i'm not disabled. or in a secondary or elementary level school. but you'd think college would be a third level. and high school would be secondary. but it's not. atleast i don't think. anyways. my main reason for bringing this up is to tell you guys what i plan on getting with this. first. i'm cutting my phone off because i won't be able to afford it. second i want to get a wig for topanga. a cheap one. not a 200 dollar one. and third i want contacts. and some new makeup. and my license. and birth certificate. and i'm going to save a few bucks for jennifer and our shows we're going to together. and maybe a webcam for stickam. idk if i can afford all of this... so contacts may get cut out. but i'm definately getting them once i get my job. idk where i want to work. or how i'm going to get to work. because i don't have a car.

jamie's moving. his brother sent him a message on myspace letting him know that the knew house is coming along and they're bidding it off the day before transformers comes out in theaters. which by the way i REALLY want to see. kristin came down too. she's his new interest. which i like her she's pretty cool. and he said tonight that he liked her. but he didn't like the fact that she lives in conyers. but since he's moving to tucker.... he'll be like 30 minutes from her. she brought apple dippers from her job. she works at mcdonalds. but she's not fat like you'd think a mcdonalds worker should be. she's really sweet and beautiful. and she's really different than any of the other girls jamie's dated. for one she's not a friend of mine. which i'm really happy with! not because of the fact that it doesn't feels like he's taking a friend from me, but i love the fact that i don't know her at all. and she's fresh. and if they break up i won't have to break up with her either. lol. in a sense.

my breasts itch.

i wish my hair would seriously grow back out. i'm thinking of extensions or something once i get my job. not long ones tho. just long enough to cover my ears. i want my hair to look like james dunkley. he's so adorable.

1st post.

2007-06-27T09:36:41Z

okay. so it's been a few years since i've had one of these things. it's heather's fault that i got another one. lol. she told me a while back that i should get one. and i realized that this could possibly be the best way to communicate and keep her updated. along with the rest of you. including my haters. cause i know ya'll is gonna read this too. and be like: oh that queer needs to shut up. lmao. you're just jealous.

uh yeas. so over the summer i kind of grew up. like the summer of 98? no. not exactly. but i did grow up. in a sense of mentality where i won't let people run me over. where i don't give a fuck about dating. where i don't give a fuck who's got drama with who. where i don't care about most of what anyone has to say. this year i'm graduating finally. after wasting all that time. i realized i have my head on backwards. but this summer made me realize where it was. so now it's back to where it should've been in the first place.

i've pretty much kept to myself this summer. and i've thought about my friendships with some people. and once i get back to school this august you people are going to realize who you are. i'm not going to be afraid to tell you that you get on my nerves. or that your thinking process doesn't fulfill my needs and i don't really care if it does. and all those crack whores, mainly ashlind, telling me that i need to get a life and grow up... hypocrite much? yea. i'll let you know when you're doing something and i don't like it. you people run over me like i'm some gay queer who's life is fancy free and is available to fuck up. you, my "friend", are definately not a bright one. considering no one really gets to know me. maybe it's the fact that you don't care to know me. but i used to give a fuck about all of you bitches. i'm bitter now. and i want you all to know that i'm not going to live my life just for your careless ass. if you truely cared... thanks for being inconsiderate skanks.